I was never really one to complain about pregnancy, I didn’t love being pregnant at the time, however nor did I hate it. I tend to be a glass half full person and always thought, “Yeah this nauseating heartburn sucks, but it could be worse!” – among other not-so-pleasant symptoms.
Back to back pregnancies made me feel like I had been pregnant forever, and I was impatiently awaiting the day where I would be “skinny” again, or at least on my way back to my prepregnancy body.
After my first daughter was born, I easily dropped a little over 60 pounds in about 4 months, 20lbs shy of my prepregnancy weight! And yes, I know what you’re thinking, “You gained 80lbs during pregnancy?!” Yes, I was huge, yes, I was a 5’4″ whale haha.. I felt gross. I didn’t even want to sit at the table to eat my meals with RA, I felt so disgusting, I didn’t want anyone to watch me eat. Okay, enough about that, back to the weight loss. I wasn’t breast feeding for long, nor was I doing much for exercise, minus walking frequently, and sparse mountain hikes while on summer vacation. With the rapid postpartum weight loss after my first, I had no worries about losing the weight the second time around. In fact, I couldn’t wait.
I’m currently a few days shy of being 6 weeks postpartum and I am only 27lbs over my prepregnancy weight. I didn’t gain as much weight during my recent pregnancy, and this time around I am successfully breast feeding, and running around after a toddler. Once CC starts sleeping better at night I plan to start getting out for daily walks or maybe, and that’s a big maybe, even small at-home work outs during nap times.
Today was the first time however, that I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, pjs, no make up and all, and felt proud of my body again. Not for making men’s’ heads turn as I walk by, not for getting down to a size 4 dress size, but for feeling confident. Yeah, I’m a 23 year old mom of two, yeah, I have stretch marks and loose skin. And you know what, who cares? I certainly don’t. I felt a confidence in my body that I didn’t have before, even at my smallest size.
I’m no longer focusing on a pant size, or number on the scale. Weight will come and go, and fluxuate with age. It doesn’t bother me anymore. My daughters will see through the “hot mom” facade, I previously felt so driven to be, they will love me no matter my size, and I want them to love themselves no matter their shape or size. RA has been beyond supportive, encouraging me when I need it, and commending my success. I feel that connection back between us, and I truly believe that is due to the fact that since I am more comfortable in my own skin, he is more comfortable to approach me intimately.
I always say, half of looking good, is feeling good. I can finally say that, and mean it, without criticism. And that, my daughters will see. They will see me as beautiful, because I see me as beautiful.